I wasn’t planning on kicking off the YOU MAKE BOLD series with a post of my own, but here goes…
Maybe bold isn’t always what we think it is…
I changed things up for this month’s Listen When He Speaks theme, inspired by the theme of this year’s Central New York Wesleyan Women’s Ladies Retreat. This year we’re focusing on the boldness and strength only God can give.
In the day when I cried out, You answered me,
And made me bold with strength in my soul.Psalm 138:3, NKJV
I’ve been attending Ladies Retreat for a while now. I’ve only missed one of the last thirteen. It hasn’t always been easy to get there but it’s always been worth it. It’s on a campground, so the accommodations aren’t what some women would consider retreat-worthy, but years go by and more buildings get updated… and I have a camper there now, so, for me, who can’t sleep in a room with others, it’s much easier. I’m even on the committee this year. I organize the prayer walk.
Prayer Walk devotional 2016: White Flags
Prayer Walk devotional 2015: Darkness Can’t Extinguish God’s Light
My first year, it was after dark and pouring rain when I got there late. Chambers Camp didn’t yet have the cement pad the tent now sits on; I didn’t have boots. I shared a room with four women I didn’t know well, with four other women from our church in the adjoining room. I survived. I suspected I was pregnant with my second child, but didn’t know for sure until a positive pregnancy test after I got home.
The next year, I took my tiny still-nursing baby boy.
When Retreat 2006 rolled around, I was far less than bold. At least in any way God would make me. Brazen maybe, in hidden moments I let steal my strength to do what I knew was right.
I’d been married to my husband for six years, thought I was in love with another man, and was in lust with a third. I was desperately, angrily stumbling toward a second affair, glancing over my shoulder to see if my husband, the man I thought loved me but knew we shouldn’t be together, my friends, or God noticed I was aching to destroy my life and prove I was not worth loving? Would anyone even care?
I felt utterly alone.
Sometimes bold is sitting still long enough to let God examine your heart and show you what you don’t want to see there.
Women chatted and laughed as they left the tent in sisterly pairs and small groups. But I sat on. I tried to stay in the place God used the speaker to lead me, with my heart open to sunlight and a cleansing breeze.
Purity gives peace. Holiness makes one whole.
Sometimes bold is obeying a nudge from God to approach someone sitting solitary.
A friend broke away from the other ladies from our church and sat down in the metal chair beside mine. She knew I needed prayer. She thought it was for my pain from a back injury. She showed up because she knew she should.
Her concern broke through my reserve.
Sometimes bold is confession.
It’s admitting the ugly despite the risk of judgement, rejection, distrust. It’s saying the words you can’t go back from, the words that will forever change how someone sees you.
The words that lay bare the sin you cherish, and may be the beginning of its end.
Bold can look ugly.
It can seem small in the shadow of Joshua’s march into the Promise Land full of enemies, Deborah’s leadership, David’s stand before Goliath, Esther’s approach to a king who held the power of life and death.
Bold isn’t always Jeremiah’s commitment to call out God’s people straying from God’s Truth, or Paul’s unwavering commitment to preach the Gospel.
Sometimes the one we stand up to is our self. It was me I needed to boldly speak Truth to.
To join me for a month of reading about people God made bold, check out Listen When He Speaks.
Boldly speak Truth. To yourself first. #boldfaith Share on X
Sometimes bold is running away.
My pastor recently said there are some temptations that can’t be resisted. At first, this may seem wrong. Of course we can stand up to any temptation that comes our way! Scripture says so, right?!?
But his point was this: Some temptations must simply be fled. To stay is to give in.
Joseph was not a coward when he ran from Potiphar’s wife, and he ran so forcefully he left his outer garment in her hands.
Bold isn't always running out to battle Goliath; sometimes it's running away from Potiphar's wife Share on X
Sometimes bold is not showing up.
I was responsible to stay off paths that could lead only to destruction, to not dance so close to the edge that sooner or later I couldn’t help but fall. It was up to me to run if temptation came to me.
The battle I needed to stand and fight was inside me. I had to go on the offensive to replace lies with Truth, and turn from deceitful fantasy to the ugly beauty of reality.
Sometimes bold is accepting grace.
I loved my sin. I hated myself. I knew I didn’t deserve forgiveness, but I went home in the embrace of grace, committed to moment-by-moment obedience.
I entered a beautiful season of the peace and confidence of submission.
Bold recognizes the enemy, and fights in God’s strength.
Boldly accept grace. #boldfaith Share on X
I love it when you say being committed to moment-by-moment obedience, because that is what it is to get over whatever hurdle is keeping us from His full life. Thank you. Love you my friend.
Beautifully written and so honest. I love your writing and know it will inspire other to bravery.
What a beautiful post. Thank you for being bold and encouraging others to do so too.
Thank you, Ashley.
Wow, what a beautiful and vulnerable post. Thank you for your testimony!
Thank you. So grateful for grace, and the chance to tell others about it!
Thanks for being bold enough to share your story! For years I didn’t share some hard parts of my story with anyone…it leaves one so trapped! Sharing, repenting, receiving forgiveness and grace is the only way to truly live free. Bless you, for your transparency! It will give others the courage to do the same.
Thank you, Lindsey! That is my hope, and prayer.
You are so bold; to tell a story like that needs a lot of Grace and you are surely Graced
Thank you, Jackie. I hope my story helps other women break free in repentance, and embrace grace. No matter what we’ve done, God is ready and willing to forgive, and when He forgives, we are FORGIVEN; we need to forgive ourselves.
Beautiful post. My own definition of being bold after reading your post: Sometimes being bold is accepting that He is the God that takes and gives away. We might be kicking and screaming when we loss the life we have built for years, but we need to trust that he has a greater plan for us and he’ll restore what we have lost.
So true. Thank you for taking the time to share.
Thanks for sharing the rawness and healing of your heart. You are a gifted writer.
Thank you, Barb.